The Cold isn't Contagious
by dracolover18
Summary: HarryDraco slash. Kinda angsty. Harry loves Draco, but he doesn't know how to get closer.I do not own the characters...unfortunately. Not good at summaries! M for rape
1. Chapter 1

Harry lay with his head on the hard stone floor of the showers, ice cold water hitting his exposed flesh. He tried to stop panting. All he could think was…_no I cannot think about him like that._

Harry and Draco had always loathed each other. But when Draco returned to Hogwarts for their seventh year, Harry realized he no longer felt quite the same about the blonde. But Harry not only had stopped hating Draco, he felt something rather deeper than indifference for his new-found ally. Said something rather resembled…

_Oh God! What am I thinking? Not Draco, Not Draco… it worked with the Sorting Hat._

From his position on the floor, Harry could see the entrance to the prefects' bathroom. It was more shadowed than Harry remembered, making the rest of the room appear brighter than normal as well. Looking away from the darkness, Harry found himself temporarily blinded. Returning his eyes to the ceiling, Harry's thoughts left the mysterious shadows and returned to his…predicament.

_Why Draco? I mean there isn't all that much too special about him…What the hell am I talking about? Everything about him is special…his eyes, silver pools that seem to look into my soul when they meet mine, his luscious blond hair framing his wonderfully beautiful face, his graceful hands, his rare but magically luminous smile… How can I deal with this? _

Harry could tell that what he was feeling wasn't "true love" but he could feel more than just a childhood crush. He couldn't figure out how loathing of six years could suddenly turn into more than infatuation._ I can NOT like Draco._ However being with Draco made Harry feel, he could not, after so many years of hate, accept his…his feelings for Draco, nor could he deny that they were there.

Harry new he was gay. He had known for two years. "But** Draco**?"

"Yes?" came the smug reply from the mystic darkness near the entryway.

_Oh crap!! Oh crap!!_

"Thinking fondly of me Potter?" drawled the shadows.

_NO!!!!! He can not be here! He…He can't have heard me say his name in way that does not imply detest! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Immediately assuming a calm façade and sitting up, Harry responded as sarcastically as he could pull off, "Well of course, dear Draco!" The sniggering he then added was a purposeful distraction which, in Harry's mind, would tear Draco away from any belief in these words.

"Wow Potter, for a moment there you almost sounded sincere. I couldn't have done it better myself. Well…maybe I could've,"Malfoy said stepping into the light of the room. Harry hastened to pull his legs up to cover his…himself.

"What are you doing here anyway…Malfoy?" Harry spat the name with hatred that would convince anyone, even Hermione, that he meant it…even if he didn't.

"Ouch, that hurts me deep Potter, hurts real deep…" Draco broke off into an obviously fake sob.

"Shut up you self-centered, spoiled, soulless prat!" Harry shot back.

At this, Draco genuinely winced and Harry felt a twinge of guilt and a desire to run over to him and pull Draco into a comforting embrace. But in as long as it took for the thought to cross his mind, the cold look returned to Draco's face and his emotional shell was shielding him from any further feelings.

"Malfoy…I didn't mean…I shouldn't have…"Harry was interrupted by the swishing of robes and the sound of the portrait closing behind Draco as he left with a speed Harry had not thought possible.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry stayed there on the floor, freezing water still rolling down his bare skin, for many hours after Draco stormed out. He couldn't bring himself to leave the unforgiving cold water.

When he began to sneeze and feel feverish, Harry left the painful chill of the showers to return to the common room where his friends were waiting anxiously.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as Harry appeared exiting the portrait hole.

"Where have you been mate?" Ron demanded, then Harry sneezed with such ferocity that several first years in the nearby armchairs jumped.

Harry continued to walk past his friends and up to the dormitory. He past the beds of Ron, Dean, and Seamus and when he got to his own four-poster, he closed the hangings and sagged back onto the pillows sobbing.

Ron entered the room with the profound door slam.

"Well me and Hermione _love _the way you paying attention to us!" Ron said sarcastically, as he ripped open the hangings but his face changed suddenly when he saw that Harry was crying for the first time in Ron's memory.

"Oh, Harry are…are you ok?" Ron asked considerably more concerned with Harry than he had been the last time he was in the hospital wing. This sensitive side of Harry was a little frightening to someone who had only ever seen the hero. Harry sneezed again, this time falsely, to try and stifle the sob he had just uttered.

"Oh yeah," he sniffs, "I'm just great!" mustering up enough enthusiasm to make this remark somewhat fierce.

"Harry what's wrong?" Ron asked, now desperate to get anything useful out of his tearful friend.

Harry did not respond, but instead pulled the hangings together in Ron's face and cemented them together with a spell.

Ron stormed out of the dormitory--all worry for his friend had been forgotten--cursing Harry's new "attitude changes" under his breath. He stumbled down to the bottom of the stairs where Hermione paced nervously.

"Is he okay, Ron? What happened to him?" Hermione was frantic, she too was afraid for this new side of her old friend.

"You know what? If you want to try to get anything out of Harry you can go up there and let him blow your head off. But if you wish to remain intact, I would wait a few hours before you try to interact with that bastard," explained Ron loudly, not even trying to mask the anger behind his words.

Up in the dormitory, Harry had stopped trying to hold back any of his sadness and was now crying so much his blankets were drenched in his salty tears. He longed to take back the things he had said to cause Draco so much pain, which in turn had caused him so much pain. Since he couldn't very well change the past he sought for another way relieve his emotional anguish. In such a state, he could not possibly go and try to apologize. _ Not that Malfoy would accept an apology from me._

He could only think of one way to alleviate pain of this magnitude, the only way he ever had. Harry place his wand at the seam of the curtains to remove the spell, and turned to his bedside table. He opened the drawer with such agility that, for once, it did not squeak. Once he had found what he was looking for, he withdrew his hand with a small pocket knife gleaming in the semi-darkness of dusk.

Harry turned to face the end of his bed again and slowly raised his seemingly uninjured hand and rested it upon his bent knees. Upon further examination of his palm, he could make out the marks of days past, four in all. He had one for the day that he first knew what actually happened to his parents, one for the day he unknowingly lead Cedric to his death, one for the day he had taken a risky chance that ended in the death of the only parental figure he had ever known, Sirius Black, and the last was for the day he had kept quiet, not for lack of trying to be heard, as his mentor, Albus Dumbledore, was killed by an alleged friend. _These are the reminders that those atrocities were my fault and this one and the next one will mean the same thing._

He drew the knife up a few inches higher than his hand and brought it down slowly slicing his scarred flesh, so that it bled anew. The surrounding skin was now covered in the red of his blood and small vermillion drops were staining his clothes and sheets. Harry could feel the pain of his encounter with Draco sliding away. Now he only felt this pain. _And it doesn't hurt half as much. _He stared at his bleeding hand with a morbid fascination.

Dropping the hand, he got out of bed as slowly and quietly as possible so as to not forewarn those downstairs of his movement and crossed the room to the sinks near Dean's four-poster. Before rinsing the blood down the drain, Harry took a short take of the oozing liquid. _ Best not to waste all of it._

Once his cut was clean and had stopped most of the bleeding, Harry returned to bed and lay upon the now spotted sheets. Too many thoughts ran through his mind for tonight's sleep to be natural, so, deciding he would think about everything tomorrow, he delved back into his drawer to retrieve the leftover Dreamless Sleep Draught he kept there and downed a mouthful. Almost instantly he could feel himself drifting away from everything: the pain, the heartache, all was lost in a torrent of nothingness…


	3. Chapter 3

Around midnight, alone in the Slytherin common room, Draco had some time, free of Pansy, to think about today's events.

_Harry was being such an arse. Funny… that's normally my job. Am I really a "self-centered, spoiled, soulless prat"- or whatever it was that he said? Sounds like the opposite of me, sounds like my father. Harry wouldn't really know who I am though. He sees only my mask. The mask I have worn everyday since…that day._

_Course Harry wouldn't know about that day either. That day my mask went up and **me **became **Him**. 'Him' being the evil shitty bastard that unfortunately happens to be my father. He ruined me that day and handed me the mask that turned me into the soulless jerk everyone else sees._

_**Flashback**_

_I was laying on my bed with my feet hanging lazily over the edge. I was waiting. Waiting for the letter that would free me from His clutches. He was the same then as he is now: torturous, sadistic, uncaring, and cruel._

_He brought pain with him where ever he went. That day he chose to shed it upon me._

_He barged through my open door, wand glowing bright red in his hand. He flicked the slender strip of birch and I realized that I was now exposed._

"_Rise you useless twit!" he shouted but I remained on the bed, "Imperio!"_

_I heard a commanding voice roaring in my head, 'I said RISE!!!' _

_I could feel my body, against my will, leaving the comfort of my bed to stand facing him, my head barely reaching the second button on his shirt. He flicked the wand once more and he too was now bare. Within the next second, he was upon me, forcing himself into me._

"_Father…Stop! Please!" I screamed sobbing senselessly, "Stop! You're hurting me! Please stop!"_

_The voice in my head roared again, 'Silence!' _

_My mouth kept moving but I made no sound. Tears streamed freely down my face now. Satisfied that the deed was done, he turned and left me crying on the floor. Looking back when he got to the doorway, he spoke again._

"_Oh, and I believe this is yours," he said dropping an envelope on the floor._

_**End Flashback**_

_That day he destroyed my soul. Had I not become him, I would have become the fodder for his twisted acts. That day he made me become the person that Harry hates…Harry hates me…or at least he hates the me he thinks I am…Wow that doesn't make any sense what so ever._

From the dark staircase came an involuntarily squeal as Pansy saw a tear slip down Draco's face, this was the first time she had ever seen Draco show an emotion besides loathing, anger, and smugness. She threw a hand over her mouth as soon as the sound escaped her lips but it was too late. Draco looked up from the floor, where he had been gazing for quite a while, to stare into the shadows that kept her hidden.

"Who's…who's there?" he sniffed.

Pansy ran swiftly and silently up the stairs to her dormitory, without looking back at the tear-stained face of the one she loved.

Draco gasped. _Someone saw me…just now! Oh my god…my reputation…if this gets out it will be ruined…if this gets to my father…Oh shit! What the hell am I supposed to do now?_ Draco began pulling on his gorgeous locks, the blond strands falling about his feet. _ Oh God…if he finds out…it will be that day once again and I will become the child I was then, fearful and broken. _


	4. Chapter 4

Harry awoke early the next morning, the new cut twinging painfully. He walked slowly to the sink again to run his hand under the cold water. Sighing in contentment, he returned to his four-poster. With a flick of his wand, the bed sheets were clean of blood. Harry dressed as quickly as he could, wrapped his injured hand in a handkerchief and stole silently from the tower.

As he passed through the portrait of the Fat Lady, she lazily scolded him for waking her up at four thirty, but was asleep again as soon as Harry had turned the corner.

He hurried to the owlery, where he quickly chose a plain school barn owl and sat to write a short note:

_---_

_Draco,_

_Meet me in the Room of Requirements tonight at ten; I'll leave the door cracked so you can come in._

_You'll find out who I am if you show up._

_See you then._

_---_

Harry tied the letter to the impatient owl's leg and whispered in his ear, "Give this to Draco Malfoy after breakfast ok?"

The owl nodded, gazed at Harry intelligently and flew swiftly through the window.

Harry sunk back against the wall and sneezed, as soon as the owl was out of sight. He began ponder his plight. _Will Draco even come? He probably hates me. Why even get my hopes up? As soon as he sees me he'll probably leave. It's all my fault…Draco…How could I say that to you? I wish I hadn't done it…I hope you'll forgive me._

"Holy crap," Draco winced as he pulled his hand away from the blood mark on the stone wall.

"Mister Malfoy! What the bloody ((AN: sorry, I love puns…blood on wall…ha ha…okay so it's not funny)) hell are you doing?" Professor McGonagall shrieked as she approached Draco quickly, gazing between his battered left hand and the wall multiple times on the walk over to him.

"Isn't it quite obvious what I'm doing, Professor?" Draco snapped at her with as much venom as he could manage over the pain.

"But why?" she demanded, curiosity, impatience and worry filling her question.

"Professor, I really should be getting to the hospital wing…so…?" When she didn't respond, he added, "can I go now?"

"Mister Malfoy, explain your actions immedia-" she began.

"Good bye, Professor." Draco interrupted and stepped around her, heading in the direction of the hospital wing. As soon as he was around the corner, he turned back towards the Slytherin common room, already sopping up his blood with the right sleeve of his robe.

_Oh God…not only do I have to explain crying to my father, I also have to explain self-inflicted injuries. Great! Why has Harry's comment haunted me so much? I…I just wish he didn't hate me…and I don't know why…_

He was still contemplating this as he rounded another, finding himself face to face with a certain black-haired savior…

AN: Not all that good but I thought that you would be happy that updated at all since I haven't updated for…about four months or something…I tried for a cliffhanger…hope I did a good job. Take the extra few minutes and REVIEW! 'Kay thank you for reading and reviewing if possible…bye!


	5. Chapter 5

"Dra…M…M-Malfoy…" stuttered Harry.

"Potter," Draco responded with the same venom Harry had possessed the previous day, hiding his bloodied fist in one of his cloak pockets, "What are you doing down here…in the dungeons?"

"Umm…I…umm…I really don't know…" Harry finished lamely then nearly coughed roughly.

"Well go back upstairs. No one wants you down here," came the reply, barely concealed hurt showing on Draco's features, a vague reminder of the last night's events.

Harry turned slowly and lumbered off the way he came. Once he rounded the corner, Harry broke out into tears. _What have I done? I…I've ruined everything…I might as well not even show up tonight…it's not like he'll listen to me…He hates me…_

Harry kept up his pace, leaving a trail of tear spots leading up to the portrait of the Fat Lady. He mumbled the password and she admitted him into the common room. It was still quite early and Hermione was the only one in there. She was deeply absorbed in a muggle novel and didn't hear Harry as he walked swiftly across the room and climbed the stairs up to the boys' dormitory. He crawled back into bed, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth, sobbing. He pulled out the pocketknife again and rolled up his sleeve. He spent a few minutes, knife in hand, dwelling upon his past failures and current problems, every second sinking deeper into his depression. An internal debate raged in his head and Harry was steeply leaning towards suicide when Ron burst into to the room, woozy with his hair mussed up and his clothes askew.

Harry hastily shoved the pocketknife under his pillow and hesitantly approached his drunken friend.

"Ron, mate, you're completely wasted…what…what've you been doing tonight?"

Ron winked suggestively, "You know…" a hiccup, "you know what I've been do...ing tonight……and so does," another hiccup, "Merhione," another wink.

"You ought to lay down and get some rest," Harry instructed adding under his breath, "you are going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow." Harry led the stumbling Ron to his Chudley Cannon four-poster and before Ron's head even hit the pillow, he was asleep.

Harry left the room quickly so as to avoid waking Ron from his alcohol-induced slumber. He didn't really know where to go. Though he remembered his meeting with Draco, he still wasn't sure whether or not he should go. He had a few hours to make that decision, however.

Harry walked aimlessly through the halls, barely avoiding running into passersby. After about an hour of this, he found himself at the base of the Astronomy tower. He climbed the stairs and sat on the windowsill, gazing upon the sky, his emotions finally settled enough to think clearly.

_Why should I go? It'll just be an embarrassing opportunity for Draco to tell me how much he hates me…_

_**What are you talking about? I'm sure he'll hear you out.**_

_What gives you that impression? He was really pissed off earlier and he didn't seem like he cared about what I had to say…_

_**He'll understand…just tell him the truth…**_

_I really don't think he'll want to know…he'll still hate me…_

Harry's internal debate was interrupted by the sound of fluttering wings. The owl he had used earlier now perched upon his knee, the setting sun reflected in his eyes, with a small piece of parchment tied to his leg.

---

_See you then._

_Draco_

---

The note practically made Harry's decision for him. He settled into his perch and gazed at the darkening sky. He had a further two hours to decide what to say…what Draco would listen to…

He left the pitch black tower-footsteps echoing in his wake- and headed towards the Room of Requirement.

This is the new chapter. It's not really that good but it's here and I wrote it. Be happy. Hope you liked it. _**PLEASE REVIEW!!!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Harry arrived at the Room of Requirement twenty minutes early. He paced in front of the blank wall until the door appeared. Inside was a small round room, the walls were draped with cloth in both Gryffindor and Slytherin colors. Across from the door, a fire crackled in a brick fireplace. Two comfy-looking armchairs sat near the hearth facing each other. The only light in the room came from the flames, and shadows danced across the lush fabrics. The room was designed perfectly so that Draco would have to come all the way in the room to identify Harry.

Harry crossed the room and relaxed into one of the chairs. He stared into the fire and went over what he planned to say for the final time.

Harry heard the door creak open and heard soft footsteps approaching him. Within a few seconds, he could see Draco's silhouette next to the other chair. Draco peered down at Harry and his eyes lit up in recognition.

"You," Draco said under his breath before storming out of the room.

Harry was up in a flash and was on Draco's tail, "Draco…wait!"

Draco stopped abruptly and turned on his heel, "What is it Potter? Wanted to kick me in the balls or just compare me to my despicable father?" He looked at Harry with a defiant glare.

"I wanted to apologize!" Harry shouted.

Draco seemed slightly taken aback, "You…you what?"

Harry gained courage from Draco's flustered state, "I said that I wanted to apologize to you Draco. What I said…it wasn't fair. I don't know you well enough to pass judgments," He was silent for a minute then looked down at his feet before repeating, "I'm sorry, Draco."

"Why did you do it?" Draco asked quietly, curiosity overpowering him.

"It's hard to explain," Harry said, still staring intently at his shoes.

"Will you try to?" Draco asked persistently and added, "We could go back to the Room of Requirement if you want?"

"Uh…….ok," Harry replied, unable to deny the blonde, and he followed Draco's lead.

Draco pushed the door open and they approached the fire. Harry remained standing, though Draco perched himself one of the chairs. Draco waited for Harry to say something but when he remained standing still and silent, Draco gestured for him to sit.

"Sooo…you gonna start or….?" Draco questioned.

Harry recounted his story, told him of how, when the Malfoy heir had turned to the light side, he realized that hating Draco in the first place was pointless and his feeling had dramatically changed, that his loathing for the blonde had transformed into romantic feelings. By this point, Harry's eyes had wandered to the flames, and he was intent upon not looking Draco in the eyes. When the story was complete, silence fell upon the room. Suddenly, Draco's hand reached up to grasp Harry's chin firmly and turned Harry's face towards him. Harry's eyes widened at the gesture. Draco closed to the distance between their faces and placed his lips chastely upon Harry's. Draco pulled away almost instantly, blushing.

"I'm sorry…I…I don't know what came over me, Harry," Draco murmured, barely audible, turning his head away from the emerald eyes gazing at him.

Harry pulled Draco's chin towards him, imitating the blonde's earlier action. "That was the best response you could have given me," Harry said leaning in for a second kiss.

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

Draco smiled in bliss, looking down upon the ebony hair of his sleeping boyfriend, whose head rested upon his chest. He remember fondly the happy time he had so far spent with his love and thought of the beautiful future they could spend together. Harry stirred and awoke. He gazed sleepily up at Draco and smile at him.

Fin (whew finally)

AN: I am finally finished with this story. I thought it was a decent place to end it. I hope you thought so too. This is my longest published story and the only stpry I have finished on a happy note. Yay for the happiness!!

dracolover18 signing off (salute)


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